I haven't posted in a few days, and it's certainly not for lack of something to say. The problem is that I have entirely too much to say and I've been waiting for my head to cool off. I've just been terribly confused about certain areas of my life. And then aside from thinking about my conflicting ideas about certain situations I've been dealing with this lingering maudlin feeling. It's strange because I'm generally a very rational and cool-headed person, but really...who I am I to say who I am. I guess I'm just frustrated by the fact that I generally make my own happiness, and I'm unable to do that now.

San Francisco was only two days, but I know it changed me. I have this feeling like I was just in a dream, or I saw a movie that made me see the world differently. Everything about my visit was just very ideal and colored with happiness, and it felt like whatever was there was there for me. I found books that were exactly what I had been looking for but had been unable to find for years (including a really old used hardcover of Franny and Zooey), I drank microbrews in a cave with someone I'll never forget, shared headphones on the bus, laughed over old favorite shows and new secret jokes, and made a mermaid out of my dinner. I guess I didn't know how badly I needed some time away from LA, but the sad feeling that came over me this morning confirmed it. I just felt like it wasn't time to go.

Girl Post: The New Love of My Life

I just walked into Sephora to check things out, and I'm happy to report that I walked out with one well-chosen product instead of the typical "ohmygodiamsuchanidiot" voice that usually loops in my head for an hour. This is what I got: As most of you know, I'm typically AWOL in Dreamland, so a good eye concealer is critical for work in the morning. Smashbox's High Definition contains caffeine and light-reflecting pearls to make me look like a productive and attractive member of society when I feel like a sleepy mess from all the fun I had the night before. Well worth $18 to keep up that disguise, no question.

Ayatolla For My P.T.P.

The XX

Photo I took from last night's show at the Palladium.

Zhongqiu Moon Cake

Yesterday I had "Moon Cake", which is a Chinese delicacy eaten to honor the Moon Goddess of Immortality during Zhongqiu. I was impressed enough to learn that it was made from lotus and duck egg - but there's something way cooler beyond the surface. Apparently, the cakes used to contain hidden messages and the Ming distributed them to coordinate a revolt to overthrow Mongol imperial rule.

The taste is a little strange, even for me (there's hardly any sugar so the "cake" part is a bit misleading) but when have you ever seen cupcakes used in a coup d'état?

Warpaint

"I love you to pieces, distraction, etc."

I can't keep my skin from bruising and my fingertips from being cold.
When I laugh I just feel like I'm never going to stop and I have to think terrible things just to knock it off.
My heart swells when I think about things and people I love, and people I may soon love. Then I decide that I just won't talk to anyone anymore. Anyone who has the power or potential to hurt me. I just won't answer my phone anymore and that will be that.

I'm not depressed and I'm not losing my mind or anything. I'm having a Franny Glass crisis, with the religion part included.

The Who and Why.

So after a conversation with the handsome and talented Michael Lowman last night, I've decided to start posting on here again. The topics will be the same as before (actual reality with a twist of whatever the hell is going on in my frustratingly strange mind) but it might get a little more personal than that. I like this idea because if you're really curious as to what's going on with me you can come here and see something beyond the surface of social networking. I'll be sure to keep the shameless exposition focused on myself because that's really the point of something like this. And because, well, I try not to be a jerk.