I haven't posted in a few days, and it's certainly not for lack of something to say. The problem is that I have entirely too much to say and I've been waiting for my head to cool off. I've just been terribly confused about certain areas of my life. And then aside from thinking about my conflicting ideas about certain situations I've been dealing with this lingering maudlin feeling. It's strange because I'm generally a very rational and cool-headed person, but really...who I am I to say who I am. I guess I'm just frustrated by the fact that I generally make my own happiness, and I'm unable to do that now.

San Francisco was only two days, but I know it changed me. I have this feeling like I was just in a dream, or I saw a movie that made me see the world differently. Everything about my visit was just very ideal and colored with happiness, and it felt like whatever was there was there for me. I found books that were exactly what I had been looking for but had been unable to find for years (including a really old used hardcover of Franny and Zooey), I drank microbrews in a cave with someone I'll never forget, shared headphones on the bus, laughed over old favorite shows and new secret jokes, and made a mermaid out of my dinner. I guess I didn't know how badly I needed some time away from LA, but the sad feeling that came over me this morning confirmed it. I just felt like it wasn't time to go.